Rant/Review: I hate Halo 3

So, now, by this time, most everyone who calls themselves a Halo 3 fan must have picked up the game. That’s nice. Really. Please, enjoy your game. From what I’ve been reading, it seems to be a solid game. Cool. Now, here’s my gripe. Just, please, play your damn game and shut the fuck up. For the past 3 months, Microsoft’s Marketing Department has been making sure that people like me (Retail Employee/Blogger/Average Gamer) have been ANALLY assaulted with marketing for Halo 3. I’ve played the game TWICE and I’m so fucking sick of it already. Game reviewers are tossing “Perfect”scores at the damn game like they’re candy being hurled at small children in funny costumes around this time of the year.

Now, my take on the game, which I have been with-holding for quite some time now due to the fact that I’d rather not face down the absolute hell of a shit storm that would occur by Microsoft fanboys making an attempt to justify that “but..but..but…you gotta play the multiplayer”. Listen, the game is screamingly average. It doesn’t do much to improve on the FPS genre. This is not the genre defining game you’ve all been looking forward to. Considering that the marketing beast behind this game claimed that you “finish the fight” doesn’t go for a whole lot. The story mode lasts for maybe 6 hours (8 hours if you actually try to shoot things). It’s funny really. I sat down with a friend to play legendary and we found ourselves moreover running like mad rather than shooting, because when you actually try to kill things, more times than not, you take a brute shotgun to the face which is instant death. The friendly AI is nothing to write home about either. I have no idea what the friendly units are trying to shoot at half the time (maybe a fucking rock, I dunno) or even if they’ve had proper driving instruction (hell, they probably couldn’t get a driver’s license in California, and THAT’S impressive).

Now, onto the multiplayer. I found myself having deja-vu half the fucking time because, suprise suprise, it’s essentially Halo 2’s multiplayer with new maps and a few new guns and the level editor from Marathon thrown in (And I use the term level editor loosely. The ability to move around spawn points and weapon spawn point does not make for a level editor). This leads me to believe that Microsoft has pulled the greatest con of all time by have over 1 million people pay $60+ for a expansion pack to Halo 2’s multiplayer. I’m not going to really say much about the multiplayer, because, what is there to say? “OMG, LIEK HALO MP IS SOO FUCKING AEWSOEM!!!11111 HUR HUR HUR” Sorry, but I’m not going to stoop that low unless I get some “incentive” to say such things. (You know where to send the check to, Microsoft).

In closing, Halo 3 is….average…very very average. Rent it or play it at a friend’s house. If you really want to buy it, wait another month before picking it up used.

Drew’s Reccomendation: Meh….if you want more Halo multiplayer and have $60+ to toss out the window…it’s your loss. Otherwise, for new players, don’t bother.

Enough With Nice Guys Finish Last.

There was an article in the paper the other day where some guy complained about how nice guys never get the girls. He said that when he goes to bars the nice guy who wants to buy the girl drinks and listen to her talk and treat her good is always ignored for the bad boy. Now the thing about this is that any woman who goes after a man who looks “bad” is stupid anyway and you wouldn’t want to date her. Where did this myth arise that women LIKE men who treat them like crap? I’m sure that was the phase I went through when I was about 15 years old; you grow up out of it. I think that Men saying they are too nice and that’s why women don’t like them are just looking for an excuse. Did you ever think that the reason you don’t get approached is to do with you rather than the fact you are a nice guy?

I like Nice Guys. After the last 22 or so years of dating absolute idiots of men that I thought were nice I now like nice boys. You see this is where your theory of Women only going for Bad boys fails. Because every woman realises bad boys are not reliable and not good for them and wants a nice boy really. I think that what women don’t like is boringly nice people who have no desire to take a risk. I know I would hate to be with someone who was so nice and so good that they would never do anything fun. But generally nice, “normal” (I hate to use that word but it fits) men are essentially what we are looking for! It is silly to assume that all women want the same kind of man anyway! Some women are wild and crazy and want a man that’s just as wild and crazy as they are to keep up with them. Some women like quiet men, some like loud, everyone is different so it’s just so stupid to generalise us by a silly stereotype!

You want to get a woman? Well the next time you’re at that bar go and talk to her and maybe offer to buy her a drink or something. If you be friendly and polite and don’t act like you want to bone her then she may pay attention to you. I’ve had the worst chat up lines used on me ever and some that are just damn strange. One boy thought it would be really hot to explain to me how many times he could come in one sex session, how long he could go for and how big his penis was. I was more amused than impressed; I got a good laugh out of that actually. Never tell a girl you have just met you would like to put your peen in her, that will most likely gross her out or make her laugh at you. Just be yourself, which is the best advice I can give. This goes for girls as well you know. Just be yourself and be happy anf friendly and it will work wonders.

Good Luck.