Rant/Review: I hate Halo 3

So, now, by this time, most everyone who calls themselves a Halo 3 fan must have picked up the game. That’s nice. Really. Please, enjoy your game. From what I’ve been reading, it seems to be a solid game. Cool. Now, here’s my gripe. Just, please, play your damn game and shut the fuck up. For the past 3 months, Microsoft’s Marketing Department has been making sure that people like me (Retail Employee/Blogger/Average Gamer) have been ANALLY assaulted with marketing for Halo 3. I’ve played the game TWICE and I’m so fucking sick of it already. Game reviewers are tossing “Perfect”scores at the damn game like they’re candy being hurled at small children in funny costumes around this time of the year.

Now, my take on the game, which I have been with-holding for quite some time now due to the fact that I’d rather not face down the absolute hell of a shit storm that would occur by Microsoft fanboys making an attempt to justify that “but..but..but…you gotta play the multiplayer”. Listen, the game is screamingly average. It doesn’t do much to improve on the FPS genre. This is not the genre defining game you’ve all been looking forward to. Considering that the marketing beast behind this game claimed that you “finish the fight” doesn’t go for a whole lot. The story mode lasts for maybe 6 hours (8 hours if you actually try to shoot things). It’s funny really. I sat down with a friend to play legendary and we found ourselves moreover running like mad rather than shooting, because when you actually try to kill things, more times than not, you take a brute shotgun to the face which is instant death. The friendly AI is nothing to write home about either. I have no idea what the friendly units are trying to shoot at half the time (maybe a fucking rock, I dunno) or even if they’ve had proper driving instruction (hell, they probably couldn’t get a driver’s license in California, and THAT’S impressive).

Now, onto the multiplayer. I found myself having deja-vu half the fucking time because, suprise suprise, it’s essentially Halo 2’s multiplayer with new maps and a few new guns and the level editor from Marathon thrown in (And I use the term level editor loosely. The ability to move around spawn points and weapon spawn point does not make for a level editor). This leads me to believe that Microsoft has pulled the greatest con of all time by have over 1 million people pay $60+ for a expansion pack to Halo 2’s multiplayer. I’m not going to really say much about the multiplayer, because, what is there to say? “OMG, LIEK HALO MP IS SOO FUCKING AEWSOEM!!!11111 HUR HUR HUR” Sorry, but I’m not going to stoop that low unless I get some “incentive” to say such things. (You know where to send the check to, Microsoft).

In closing, Halo 3 is….average…very very average. Rent it or play it at a friend’s house. If you really want to buy it, wait another month before picking it up used.

Drew’s Reccomendation: Meh….if you want more Halo multiplayer and have $60+ to toss out the window…it’s your loss. Otherwise, for new players, don’t bother.

Review: Warhawk

First, an apology. I know I should have been writing more. Now, I could blame the stupid amount of heat lately, but that would be wrong. I could blame the amount of time I’ve been putting into work and other projects, but that would be wrong too. The real reason that this very review has taken so damn long to write? WarHawk. That’s right. The Very game I’m reviewing right now is the sole reason for my slacking off. Hell. It’s caused this VERY review to be late. Anyway, let’s get down to it.

Title: WarHawk

System: Playstation 3

Genre: 3rd Person Ground/Air combat….pew pew pew pew!!!

ESRB Rating: T for Teen (Blood, Mild Violence, Language, …PEW PEW PEW!!!!)

I need to first start off with this: I fricken love this game. It’s been the SOLE reason why I haven’t been updating this week (Well…that and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption…but more on that later.). Yes, it’s multiplayer only, but trust me, it fricken WORKS (unlike some OTHER games….lookin’ at you Shadowrun). Games play out alot like Battlefield 1942 with massive maps and some of the most EPIC dogfights evar. Just to get a good feel for how expansive most maps are, hop in a WarHawk, start flying around and notice that the draw distances are massive. Hell, I could spot a player, on foot, from across the map. It’s really needless to say that the extra large maps were needed for this game, when you take into account the massive battles between Warhawks that occur. Speaking of the Warhawks, controls are FLUID. Incognito has made it extremely easy to go from ground combat to air combat with intuitive controls. You can do barrel rolls, bombing runs, strafing runs, and zip and turn through tight corners and corridors with relative ease.

Now, the overall backend is fucking smooth. I have yet to experience any sort of lag on any ranked server. When servers support up to 32 players on the massive maps that it provides, that’s downright amazing. Not to mention that it gives you the option to set up your own server or dedicated server. There is also several local game options, also including the ability to LAN up several PS3s for matches up to 24 players on a local network. But, the full online is just amazing. Here, check this out:

This would be Sony’s Warhawk servers. That’s right, it’s a shit-ton of PS3s. Awsome. But this game is not without it’s faults. First off, the ranking system is currently broken. This is an easy fix. Secondly, The game needs more auto-matching options. The standard casual gamer is not going to automatically know how to set up search filters for themselves to find the right game type they want to play. Also, it needs some better clan options. But all this shit can be fixed with a patch or two.

With Ultra-Solid online gameplay, and the promise of expanded content in the future, Warhawk is an amazing title, considering it is only online.

Drew’s Reccomendation: BUY IT! This is a must own title for any PS3 owner!!! 

A Rebuttal: Madden, from a different perspective…

So, I was undercut in my article. In my defense, it was a WORK IN PROGRESS. Anyway, turns out Madden this year turned out to not be a carbon copy of last year’s game with a roster upgrade a decent (American) football game. Within my company (rhymes with “LameStop“), Madden is absolutely fantastic. One of our yearly best sellers for the company overall.

Overall, yes. However, the numbers show that Northern California (where I work) has some of the WORST sales numbers for this game. It’s even worse my my store. For some reason (I seriously had absolutely NOTHING to do with this…well…almost nothing), our top rated games are as follows: RPGs, First Person Shooters, and Guitar Hero. So, the week of a new Madden game launch is typically one of our worst sales weeks. The main highlight of this week has been Shin Megami Tensei Persona 3 (which I will have a review up in a few days). So from a retail perspective (at least within the conditions I have named) Madden is terrible.

Of course, there is another side to this story. I have never been one for sports games. They never have really interested me (aside from the more arcade-y stuff. Such as Mario Strikers Charged.) and more than likely never will. I have tried the new Madden game and have come to the conclusion that, yep, it’s football. Of course, I hate to bring this up, Madden does attract that certain type of gamer (no offense to gabexmosh or anyone else who enjoys Madden. I’m implying that there are these kinds of people out there, not saying that you fit into this category.) that I have lovingly dubbed:

“The Bro”

The Bro is a type of gamer who usually sticks to one or two games (usually the current Madden and some iteration of Halo and/or Counter-Strike) and doesn’t stray much from those two. Occasionally, they will venture outside those boundaries to play games such as Guitar Hero or some classic game to bring back memories of the “good old days”. They have a tendency to refer to a fair amount of other games (read as: Adventure games, RPGs, Fighting games, etc.) as “gay”.

These types of gamers irk the living shit outta me, moreover because I have to deal with their “ilk” on a weekly basis. But, back to my original point. I don’t have anything against Madden. It’s just that I don’t play sports games and other unfortunate circumstances. It may be a great game, it may not be, but that is not my place to decide. Now back to my jRPGs and scrounging up info for more reports on what’s coming up next.

This is pre-empting!

So, it has come to my attention that Drew was in the middle of writing a post called “No Madden Here”. Thank you, WordPress for letting me see other people’s drafts and pre-empt them. See, it was Drew’s argument that Pink Domino is a global site, and American football is an activity which is, well, far too American for the average PD reader’s taste. Too bad for you poor sods that I really don’t care. See, I like American football (GO PATS). No matter how you twist or turn it, it’s a beautiful game: strategically, athletically and any other way you choose to look at it. And despite the fact that I’m not on any varsity team or have “keg stands” listed on my interests on Myspace, I thoroughly enjoy Madden games.

Lately, not all has been right in Madden world, though. It started with Madden 07, the first iteration of Madden for next-gen consoles. Critics said that it was rather silly that the game was missing features which were in the previous years, which was echoed in the reviews for practically every EA Sports game making their debuts on next-gen hardware. This year, there’s been some major overhauls in every category, and things have, judging by pre-release video, been looking real sweet and juicy. There’s been a couple of things that have been worrying, like EA’s insistence that the PS3 version run at 30 FPS rather than the 360’s 60 FPS, but that’s minor at best. Apparently, EA were loathe to tell us one important thing:

The PC version is essentially the same game as Madden 07, which was the same as Madden 06. Yes, yes, some of you will be all like “O RLY” and follow it up with an ever-so-witty “EA = whores” and so on, but bear with me. Sure, as far as the “new features” button is concerned, most of it’s there. The new kicking system, Hit Stick 2.0 ™(R)(C)(Nobel Prize), but some of it, I have barely noticed, like one of the things that sounded the most revitalizing for Madden as a whole: branching animations. Sadly, they don’t seem to be anywhere to be found on the PC, which still makes the running game look like you’re riding bumper cars, and still makes the experience as a whole rather capricious. I’ve caught running backs running off-route just because the collision detection made them. Maybe this is the product of the game being graphically identical to the last two versions, which prohibited whichever team working on it from implementing them. The same thing goes for the overall presentation, which feels quite early previous-gen, and lacks the polish that a game of this caliber should have. There’s also a number of areas that could’ve been improved: your punt return team still requires the players to leave their brains on the bench, leaving you alone, surrounded by two, three opponents trying to run a ball up-field. Not gonna happen. The controls could’ve been tighter, and the player camera in Superstar mode is still fucking retarded.

As much as it hurts me, dear readers, I have to tell you that if you own an Xbox 360, then you’ve got the chance to buy this year’s definitive version of Madden. For anyone else, we can always keep a faint glimmer of hope that next year’s version will be better? Well, maybe everyone except the PC owners.

Review: Zombies!!!

I probably should spend more time writing things for you wonderful people, and less time indulging on fresh sushi and sake in San Francisco…

…which by the way I HIGHLY recommend. Especially this one place over on Irving St. called Sushi Kazu (Yes, this is a shameless plug…for a friend of a friend).

Anyway, as for a video game review….I got nothing. Yup. Game market is slightly dry at the moment, and it will be until Madden comes out next week. But for now, I have THIS:

ZOMBIES!!! by Twilight Creations. To put it simply, this is a board/card game (hey…it doesn’t ALL have to be about Video Games…amirite?) and the whole point of the game is to screw over the other players, kill lots and lots of zombies, and be the first one to the heliport. Now, the cool thing about it is that the game is ALWAYS different. You don’t have a set playing board. Instead, you have tiles that each player puts down at the beginning of each of their turns. Each tile has a certain number of zombies that must be played on it, as well as health and ammo. There are also action cards (most of which have been ripped directly from numerous zombie movies) which can throw a wrench into the works. Cards like “Hey! A Shotgun” will pop up, or cards that will put more zombies into play, or cards that will screw over your opponents and make them thirst for blood, namely, yours. Each player starts with a certain number of health tokens. You lose all your health tokens, and you get sent back to the middle of town. Now, this game has been out for quite a while and has a number of expansions released for it, such as a Mall (duh), Military Base (w00t! Radioactive Experimentation Zombies!), College Campus, and a lake shore cabin.

So, for a mere $24.99, you can get the first initial set, then invite some friends over, throw on a zombie movie for ambiance and enjoy!

Drew’s Rating: I <3’s me some Zombies! This one is a no-brainer (Get it? It’s a Zombie joke! Ha!) BUY IT! Enjoy!

Oh….and more (vidya!!) game reviews later this month!

Blessed, Precious Mistakes.

I knew I was going to like Richard Dawkins. Watching him speak on videos off of poptech or a similar video depository of freethinkers, scientists, and artists inspired me. A friend at work around that time brought up a atheist philosopher by the name of Bertrand Russell, who I had never heard of before but felt an urge to read works by him.

To refer to Dawkins as an “Angry Atheist” seems misleading. I read his book The God Delusion at work, at home, fell asleep with it in my hands some nights, but I finished it. It inspired me. Perspective isn’t so hard to regain now.

Perhaps I’m just starry-eyed because I witnessed something he mentions in his book. I just stood in awe of a dog. Anting.

I read about what causes moths to fly directly into candles and it lead me to think the moth to a flame analogy for christianity seems very very morbid. Not according to Dawkins, but according to me. He provided the biological background for why moths are “attracted” to lights/flames. I’m pointing out the the Christian usage that I’m familiar with when it was cloaked under the guise of ‘inspirational purposes’. I’ve seen it used to illustrate religious faith. I find this terribly ironic. Because the analogy lines up perfectly with the misfire theory which Dawkins speaks. The misfire of the moth directly translates into the meaning of the religious euphemism.

In the case of the flame it ends with the moth seemingly committing suicide. The reason this happens is that moths directional/migratory habits are directed by light, specifically illustrated in Dawkins book, by the lights of the moon, stars, etc. Moths evolved to interpret the light from bodies not on the earth, but “in the sky”. A light or flame on earth causes their method of navigation to misfire as Dawkins puts it.

He illustrates that he perceives human kindness towards others that aren’t members of their family to be a type of evolutionary misfire. The same properties that evolved in us to facillitate love for a partner to reproduce or to “take care of our own” would supposedly “misfire”. In much a way as the moth misinterprets a flame to be the stars, we would make a similar mistake. As Dawkins’ puts it:

Blessed, Precious Mistakes.

The book is a good read. Highly Recommended.

Review: Mario Strikers Charged (Wii)

Platform: Nintendo Wii

Genre: Sports

ESRB Rating: E 10+ for Mild Violence and the random tendency to want to rip your opponents throat out after a very cheap move.

For a while. I was thinking that Super Smash Bros. Brawl would be the reason to invite friends over for a solid night of gaming. Holy shit, was I wrong. After getting my hands on an advance copy of Mario Strikers Charged and throughly playing the crap outta it, I really can say I was wrong. Mario Strikers Charged is as solid of a game as the first one was on the Gamecube. Your movement in game is controlled by the nunchuck and “Beat the living hell out of your opponent” controls are assigned to the Wiimote with slide tackle on the D-Pad and tackle being assigned to the motion of the Wiimote. This makes for a very simple and easy cover up for hitting someone next to you. “Ooops. Sorry. I was just using tackle. My bad.” Gameplay is fast and furious with most matches in the tournament mode lasting only a mere 3 minutes, however, I was easily able to rack upwards of 10 goals in some of the easier matches and more than 60 tackles in a few games. Game also get very interesting with items that change the playing field, such as bananas, shells, and the team captain specific super items. Field hazards are also a factor. Thwomps, cows, tractors, fireballs, electricity, etc. I haven’t had a chance to play any online modes as the game has not yet been released to the public here in America. Which, brings me to a downfall of the game. Online play can only be played with people in the same region as you, unless you have their friend code. Otherwise, this is a strong title, which I recommend you pick up a copy on 7/31/07, invite some friends over, have a few (age appropriate) drinks, and enjoy.

Drew’s Recommendation: Go on, Get it. You know you want to. This is fun in it’s purest form.

Quickie Reviews

Holy Crap…I’ve been flooded with games. Isn’t this summer? I swear it’s not due to the massive amounts of GOOD games that have been coming out.

Resident Evil 4 Wii Edition (Nintendo Wii)

Rated M for Violence, Language, and some scenes of explody heads! YAY!

Ok, Zombie fans, this is indeed more of the Resident Evil 4 we have all come to know and love. Everything from the Gamecube and PS2 versions is here (mainly, the [enhanced] GC graphics and the PS2 extras) as well as the Wii’s trademark controls. Speaking of controls, they work EXTREMELY well with the game dynamics. I often find myself popping off 7-8 headshots at a time. This makes things so much better. Aiming has always been my beef with this game and the certainly fixed that problem. Also, knife controls have been tied to the controller’s motion sensitivity, making it that much more useful in combat. It’s now much easier to conserve precious ammo by using your handy knife instead. However, this is just an enhanced port, but the $29.99 price tag more than makes up for it.

Drew’s Rating: Go on, buy it, you know you wanna.

The Darkness (Playstation 3, Xbox 360; PS3 version played)

Rated M for Violence, Drugs, Gore, Language, and did I mention GORE?!

So, you’re a mafia hitman. It’s your 21st birthday. You suddenly become the host of a demonic creature called “The Darkness”. This is a really good FPS with deep story elements and a decent amount of replayability. Side missions extend out this slightly short game. A bit of warning, there are a few sections where you won’t know where to go. You have to think things out before you rush out guns blazing. Multiplayer is pretty fun, although limited to 8 players per match. Definitely worth the purchase!

Drew’s Rating:If you were a fan of the original comics (which there are a full full issues on the disc, an excellent extra), buy this. If not, check out the demo before you plunge your hard earned cash.

Ouran High School Host Club AKA Why Anime gives me unrealistic Boyfriend templates!

 

Are you looking for…

Twincest?

Girls dressed as guys?

Rich people?

Loli Shota?

If you’ve answered yes to one or more of the abvoe the Ouran High School host Club is the Anime for you! I’m sure most of you have already seen this by now but if you haven’t and you plan too THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T READ MUCH MORE. I do warn you so don’t ever complain I don’t.  Ouran Host Club does have it all though girls dressed as guys, guys dressed as girls, forbidden love twincest, and 18 year olds that look like they are 10. In short its enough to get a lot of female Otaku crazy because lets face it, we like to oggle hot anime men as much as the boys like to oggle Yoko’s boobs and Rei.

So whats OHSHC about anyway? Well in short its about Haruhi, a girl who is from a working class single parent family who joins a super duper exclusive rich kid academy on a scholarship. She looks like a boy, in jeans and shirt with short hair and glasses, a bookwork if you will. She wanders into a room one day within the Academy belonging to the Host Club, a club of hot young men who run a service entertaining and flirting with the young ladies of the academy. Suou Tamaki is the leader of the club and “prince type”.  Haruhi breaks an expensive vase and becomes the clubs lackey but then they realise her talent as a natural host and she becomes the clubs newest member. As the first episode rolls they all realise she’s a girl and pledge to keep it a secret from the rest of the school (mainly for profit and because Tamaki is in love with her and is easily jealous).

I love this series. Why? FIVE VERY HOT MEN. This is why I have an unrealistic image of the perfect man in my head because Anime creates these guys would would just never exist in real life yet there is part of my head that thinks somewhere they might do. Even though the characters all have flaws they are flaws that seem to make them more attractive. For example Kyoya hides his emotions away and acts cold and indifferent but this is all an act in the end. So it all highlights the fact he is caring and stuff. No girl in their right mind would ever turn down Tamaki, Kyoya, Kaoru and Hikaru or Mori. We’d turn down Honey though unless of course you are into the LoliShota thing and like boys to look 10. I don’t, mainly because I am not a pedophile. Bar Honey the other five are charismatic, charming, funny, romantic and good looking guys. You love them in the Anime and you know if they were only real you’d love them a million times more.

Yes yes I know its sad to find anime men atrtactive but i dare you to watch Ouran High School Host Club and not want to bang at least one of those guys. Hell even the scary Bosonova-Kun who has the face that makes women run away seems hot once his sensitive side gets out and he starts blushing whenever Haruhi is near him because he loves her. I’D KICK CANS WITH YOU BOSONOVA-KUN! Those two episodes with him in made me laugh so hard.

This is what Anime does to me. I watch Anime and have an urge to be in an Anime situation. I am sure that japanese High Schools are nothing like the are in Ouran High School Host Club, Kanon, Azumanga Daioh or Lovely Complex but I can’t help but wish everytime I see a High School Anime that I went to High School in Japan. In my High School love was never confessed, mainly because the girls were all skank hos and the boys were all gangsta wannabes but in Anime love is confessed always in that sweet way where the one confession is really embaressed! I want that to happen! I want to give honmei chocolate and go to a host aclub and wear a cute sailor girl uniform with those wicked socks and have brightly coloured hair. I am not alone either. Look in your hearts, you know you want it too!

There is a point in Ouran High School Host Club where Kaoru and Hikary (hot twin brothers known as the “Devil Type” who are constantly showing their forbidden love ie twincest) are explaining to Haruhi why they are so popular within the club. Although the girls go goo-goo over their “tender” brotherly love and the affection they show each other the thing that keeps them coming back is the fact that these girls will no doubt imagine both Kaoru and Hikaru on them at once and that creates the excitment. I think they describe it as too much to handle. That’s the nice thing about this anime, I’m so used to gawking at hot Anime girls and having them be alluring that having hot alluring men is a nice change. Its not all about Big boobs and perfect asses.

Ouran High School Host Club is a gem. The characters are all funny and unique and work so well as a team. They all compliment each other so well. The storyline is addictive and once you start watching you won’t stop till the end I assure you. If you haven’t watched it yet I really do suggest you get around to it soon (:

SHUFFLE!

Having got my way through Air TV and Kanon I thought it was time I tried my hand at watching Shuffle (god bless you TVlinks). I think I am developing a thing for animes that start life as Hentai games. This post that is about to be written is FULL of spoilers so if you are planning to watch Shuffle and don’t want it spoiled I suggest you DO NOT READ ANYTHING PAST THIS PARAGRAPH. Seriously.

I liked Shuffle but that is mainly because it didn’t turn out at all how I had expected it too. It revolves around a boy (Rin) who lives with his child hood friend (Kaede) after his parents and her mother are killed in a car crash when the two of them were both 8. Rin is meant to be the ideal man, well you assume he is because every girl in this series wants to get in his pants. Not only is Kaede in love with him but so is Sia (the daughter of the Lord of the Gods), Nerine (The daughter of the Lord of the Demons), Asa (an uppclassman) and Primula (A loli girl). Kaede however is the only one who has devoted her life to serving him out of Love and does everything for him. You assume this anime will end with him falling for her, the girl who loves him so dearly. Hell no.

Shuffle starts off innocent enough, to be honest it’s your typical high school romance comedy to begin with. Its only until you get really into the series things start to take a twist. I’m not sure all the girls after Rin needed to have some strange and slightly dark back story (Nerine was almost dying when she was a child and her clone called Licorice used her life to save Nerine and therefore lived in her spirit, Sia has her dead twin as her alter ego, Rin is a genetically formed human with super duper magic and Asa is part human part demon and will die if she doesnt use her magic) but it cut through the cuteness and the innocence nicely when you found each one out. But those girls are not the ones you are so shocked about when hearing of their dark backgrounds. It’s Kaedes past that really gets you.

You assume Rin will end up with Kaede because of her devotion and obvious love of him even when all her rivals start to appear you still back her because she is the one who seems purest. The rest are all a bit silly and grabby. So when you watch her meltdown as Rin goes off with Asa you can’t help but feel for this poor girl. She seriously loses it. From the start of the anime you would never picture Kaede with having this violent temper. During her meltdown we are taken to a flashback of when her mum and Rins parents died. She is in hospital and has lost the will to live and Rin tells her while she is lying in a sort of waking coma that he is the reason her mum died. He says he wrote to her mum and told her to come early and that’s why she died. He thinks telling her this will give Kaede a reason to live and that it does, she comes out of her coma and straight away tries to strangle Rin. We then see Rin move in with Kaede and her dad and Kaede making Rin’s life hell. She at one point drops a knife on his head that cuts the entire side of his face. The whole thing climaxs in her shouting at Rin in the rain that people like him should be dead.

Of course she finds a postcard from her mother in Rins room saying she will be coming home, but Rin wasn’t the one asking her home, she was coming home early because Kaede was getting ill and her dad asked her back. Kaede blames herself for her mothers death and now has the guilt of her horrific treatment of Rin on her mind too. So she convinces herself that her devotion to Rin now is to pay him back for the horrible things she has afflicted upon him and not because she loves him and wants him near her. When Asa is bought back to the house Kaede finally loses it and pushes Asa against the door causing her to have a heart failure (she is sick btw) and sends her to hospital to what seems like her death. The thing is you feel for Kaede because if Rin didn’t notice how much Kaede loved him Asa did. Asa knew that Kaede loved Rin more than anything in the world and yet she STOLE Rin from Kaede.

This anime struck a chord with me, I know it sounds a bit Emo but it did. I felt for Kaede, even though she had done terrible things I felt for the pain she was feeling when she saw Asa and Rin together and knew he wasn’t hers anymore. I think Primula was the only one who saw her pain, noone else knew it existed or that she existed for that matter of fact. She was treated like a doormat when she deserved Rin over them all. I did have one of those Emo Girl moments thinking if Rin is meant tobe like such a great guy why is he such a retard when realising he is hurting Kaede by staying in her house all that time and taking advantage of her devotion to him. It was like he took no notice of her and that pissed me off.

I reccommend Shuffle even though I’ve ruined it now for you because it really is a good watch. That and well if you don’t like the emo storyline there is enough bare breast and naked action to keep you interested. At least two good boob shots per episode xD That and all the girls in it are such hotties!