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I’m not fucking buying this!

April 20, 2007

So, I’ve had Triangle Heart laying around on my hard drive, waiting for me to finish more important series, so I can sink my teeth in. Now, the only reason I even bothered to check it out in the first place was that all-important tag “girls with guns” that it had over on AnimeSuki. I’m a sucker for girls wielding generally phallic large-caliber armaments and generally overloading my senses with sass. (That and romance series, but I’m trying not to expose myself as a gigantic pussy on my first post, but I suppose it’s too late for that.)

Then again, I could just be getting old. Because not only did the first episode note yield any girls waving around giant guns in a fit of penis envy, but instead, half the episode was about a brother and sister – who are in their 20-somethings, of course – who jump around walls and outwit SWAT teams with just a sword and some ninja throwing darts. Here’s where the post title comes in.

I have had it up to about here (imagine me indicating somewhere around ear-height) with the whole “swords are better than guns” thing, for starters. They just aren’t. Pose and jump around all you want, but eventually you’re going to get shot, and then I’m going to laugh. You will bleed and I will laugh my goddamn ass off.

And yeah, the whole 20-something ninjas thing? Maybe I’m getting a little older and a lot more bitter (I blame student loans), but I’m not fucking buying the whole premise of people who aren’t even older than me traveling around the world and doing justice or whatever the heck they were up to. And as if that wasn’t enough, to add insult to injury, the rest of the episode was something about some café or other where everyone was friends with the two ninja kids, and some people in England who were the main characters, and they all had kung fu skills. What the fuck? It was starting to read like some really crap self-insertion fan fiction at that point, where the author’s character becomes best friends and/or lover to their favorite character, and ugh. The worst part is that I’ve bought more outlandish plots than these? 13-year-old kids in giant, vaguely sentient robots who have to protect the world – or Japan, anyway – against strange aliens who turn out to be genetically identical to humans? Hey, I can believe that. Young teenager falls in love with the cute physical manifestation of a gigantic alien lifeform that took over Earth thousands of years ago? It’s adorable. Mankind transferring their minds into cyborg bodies and dealing with the social and spiritual repercussions of cyberization? That’s some deep shit right there. Idolm@ster Xenoglossia not having anything at all to do with J-pop at all? Okay, that actually annoyed the living fucking shit out of me. As for the others, they at least had enough decency to ask me to keep stretching my imagination far enough. I could lean back and say “this isn’t going to happen anytime soon”. But oh, how Triangle Heart would like me to believe that ninja kids don’t get shot, and that all is peachy in a small Japanese café where all the girls know martial arts!

I don’t particularly care who made it at this point, but if they’re reading this: it’s not working.

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2 comments

  1. 1. Noone in England has Kungfu skillz. We all just dont. Its to do with the drinking.

    2. Guns do own Swords. To be honest if I shoot you and all you have is a sword you are gonna die.

    3. Have you seen Yoko? Girl with Gun in some new season anime. SHE IS HOT AS FUCK.


  2. Guns do own swords.

    UNLESS you’re a REAL ninja who flips out an kills shit. But the only real ninja in recent history was Shinobi, And you can’t shoot Joe Mushashi.

    So I guess you win.



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