Fashionista … Fascista …

May 9, 2007

…so as I idly brush my hand through the latest rack of designs by J.Lindeburg, I get the painful nasal whine of anguish which I come to expect when I’m shopping with someone who isn’t Tom.

“My god, who would pay £180 for a pair of jeans? What a rip-off”.

Now, this is something that I’ve come to expect, but, nary a year ago, I’d of uttered the same sentiment without regard. I mean, paying 180 quid for a piece of denim? Jesus, that’s the shopping equivalent of getting cunilingus from a cactus, surely? However, as I sidle casually in my Dior’s, clearly the spines have reached said ass.

Now fashion is a strange thing, everyone assumes they have at least some grasp of fashion and as such, that they look good. If your opinion aligns with the high street, you’ve got a lifetime of affordable clothes with questionable cuts and designs. If you feel at home amongst the super brands, you face weekends which painfully gauge the paper out of your wallets, but hell, at least you look good… These are two quite separate groups, so where do I lie?

Well, as you can guess, I’m now in the latter, one of those pretentious bastards who walks around looking down on everyone else…well, not quite (I do look down, but I’m 6’5’’, that’s not my fault! That’s like blaming Noel Fielding for being sexy), but I do think I dress well now. Key items like jeans and blazers are likely to be from some illustrious design house and that’s the way I like it. The cuts and designs accentuate my best features and hide my flaws; surely that’s how clothes should be?

A recent venture into Birmingham would surely have me believing otherwise though. People daubed in t-shirts 2 sizes too big, inevitably covered with band names (nothing screams “Talk to me! HOLD ME!” like a virgin being raped and the emblazoned words of “CANNIBAL CORPSE”), never hesitate to tell me that my t-shirt is too tight (it wasn’t) and my jeans are emo (they aren’t). The grief I get from those who don’t concern themselves with fashion, yet want to act like they know what they’re talking about is extraordinary! Fortunately, because of my sizeable stature, I can usually subdue such verbal attacks by standing up, pointing at them and proclaiming that “I will come at you like a Malaysian hooker!”.

For every ten times this happens, I will complemented maybe two or three times. So, what I’m shimmying towards, in my textually paraplegic manner, is the question:

“Is fashion, and looking good, worth the effort and money?”.

As you can tell from the subtle undertones of the above text…and the fact that I’ve said so blatantly…is that I think so, yes. Over the last couple of years I have lost a substantial amount of weight. I’m not talking a little bit, imagine the shortest friend you have, right? Now imagine they’re hugging onto me like a kaola bear. Now, hold this image well…Ok? Now, imagine that the taller person in image is shimmying your small friend/bear off with a wedge of passion fruit. I think you’re with me now. I apologise for that quite long description, I could’ve just said 90 pounds, but too late for regrets now. So, anyways, I’ve lost weight and as such, I want to flaunt this new figure which I’ve worked so hard for (how hard is not eating and moving more? Ah, I digress…) and from comparing how I look in what I shall now define so callously as “SHITE” clothing to how I look in designer wares, I think that there’s only one answer.

Yes, it is worth the money and effort. As I walk down the street, this being a metaphorical street, not a small street which I maintain for my own whimsy and use in stories of allegory, I can easily see who has taken care in appearance. Those who have spent time, as I have, in shops, aching over which cut works best and if it’s really worth shedding a weeks wage on a pair of boots, can be identified without trouble. I think to myself how good they look and more than once, I’ve started conversations with people about their clothes and where they got them from. Granted, some people have turned out to be shallow simpletons who just want to look like Russell Brand (nothing against the guy, I think he’s a comical genius) because their friends think he’s cool. However, contrary to popular stereotypes (it wouldn’t be a stereotype if it wasn’t a popular opinion though would it? I should really stop pointing out flaws in my own meandering across the keyboard) I’ve met and know a lot of people who are into fashion, but are strongly into politics, art, music and a whole array of things which point beyond a vein egotism, but to intelligence.

Fashion isn’t something to fear and shun because it makes you vein, stupid…or “gay”…it’s something that should be embraced, because frankly, it affects how people see you every day. As much as it pains me to say it, first impressions and how you look matter to a lot of people. Girls are just as shallow as guys and that’s always a good motivation for dressing well. Hell, you don’t always have to be in the stupid price territory, vintage clothes shops are you friends!

Anyways, I guess you’re probably looking for a meaningful summation, something to justify the time you’ve spent reading this, right? Well, I’m sorry, but this is just a long drawn out way of me convincing myself I need a new pair of Diors…they make my ass look good. End of.



  1. I’m pretty sure that unless I suddenly came into millions of dollars, I would not spend anywhere NEAR that much money on clothes.

    I had better things I could be spending on.

    But more power to those who do?


  2. Gotta agree with Kendal there. My wallets average pain threshold for clothing is somewhere near 60€, so roughly 37.5£.

    But, at least I’m consistent in my drabness. I’ve worn the same fashionable combiantion of cargo pants/T-Shirt/sneakers for nearly 8 years now. 🙂

    I have enough super-fashionable friends to know that it can be an artform in itself to dress right, but it’s just a field I don’t want to play on.

  3. “Is fashion, and looking good, worth the effort and money?”.

    I thnk you bash on the High Street stores too much, they are SO MUCH better now and you have to give them some Credit. Primarks clothes are pretty decent and I always look good in those Jeans I get from there and people are always amazed I got them from somewhere so cheap. Topshop are hosting lines by Kate Moss, H&M host lines by Stella McCartney and New Look host lines by er..Lily Alen. xD They sell good clothes at good prices.

    I love fashion. I know it’s not a shallow thing to love. I love High Fashion and how the clothes are so beautiful and can look so stunning. But currently I like High Fashion from a photographers Point of veiw. I can’t afford any classy labels and right now I could not justify to myself spending over £50 on a pair of Jeans.

    You mention Jeans, boots and Blazers as things you spend top dosh on. But would you pay £70 for a tshirt? £100 for some Joggers? £90 for a hat? Some garments can be forgiven for costing so much but some should never cost over £20 in their lives.

    You have a good ass and I loved your piece.

  4. I’ll stick to my white tshirts and Lee bootcuts.

  5. I just can’t bring myself to care about fashion, it may be because I can’t afford it, but I think it has more to do with being raised in a pretty lower middle class home and learning to appreciate anything I owned that happened to be new. I dunno, I’ve pretty much always been of the mindset to go for something that will last longer and have to be replaced fewer times than something that looks more fashionable. And I find that as the price goes up, the durability of the clothing tends to go down, which makes sense considering how quickly fashion changes.

    Then again, I’m generalizing off my own incredibly few experiences with such clothing and the few people I’ve known who wore expensive clothing.

  6. It’s actually a nice and useful piece of information.
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