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Encyclopedia Dramatica Article of The Week 2!

June 26, 2007

Lindsay Lohan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Lindsay lohan)

Lindsay Lohan, better known as Firecrotch, is a crack whore who stars in shitty movies, makes shitty music, whores herself out for shitty drugs, and is a nominee for United States Ambassador to the UN, the reasons for which are so obvious that I can’t tell you what they are

 

 

that's hot

 



 

 


 

 


 

A rare picture of Lohan while she goes on a hunger strike to protest George W. Bush.

 


A rare picture of Lohan while she goes on a hunger strike to protest George W. Bush.

 

Lindsay Lohan immediately after listening to her own CD.

 


Lindsay Lohan immediately after listening to her own CD.


 

History

Lohan was born to Ohbutyouwillpet Last Thursday. After the state realized that he was a no-good pedophile, she was adopted by Michael Everson and taken to Hollywood. After winning a bunch of child beauty pageants (and getting raped in the ass when she lost them), she was signed on to do “The Parent Crap,” a porn film about incestual coprophilia.

She did these movies for a number of years, but always tried to expand her horizons. Sadly, she lost a spot on “Full House” to the Olsen Twins, and couldn’t start a singing career because of Brotney Spears, so she began prostituting herself for a crack cocaine habit. Disney then rescued her for the movie and music career that she’s known for today.

In 2005, Lohan expressed concern that she was not being taken seriously as an actress, especially after her dramatic turn in the challenging role of a high school student, in such prestigious pictures as Herbie: Fully Loaded and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

In 2006, while not filming Georgia Blowjob Lohan decided to substitute being taken seriously as an actress, for being taken seriously in the mouth and apparently she was even shit at that. Although her mother seems to think her daughters dense. I wish I had a cool mom like that.

Drama Queen Fire Crotch

 

being famous IRL is tuff

 


  • Lindsay’s former keeper says he quit watching after the starlet, because it was too dangerous! “I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is,” says Lohan’s former guard Lee Weaver. Weaver told the News of the World website that Lindsay went on some serious drug binges and even hooked up with other girls on a regular basis! Weaver, 48, tells how the 20-year-old Mean Girls star:
  • ATTACKED a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off.
  • SNORTED line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a TEN-HOUR binge.
  • SLASHED her wrists with knives, sobbing that she “didn’t belong on this planet”.
  • ENJOYED frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

“She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I’ve met,” Weaver told the website. “I lost count of the times I thought she was overdosing and had to carry her out of parties. Every morning I’d breathe a sigh of relief she was still alive.”

Lee also says that Lindsay would do anything to get her hands on cocaine when she wanted it even it meant putting her life in danger. Here’s one story that Weaver tells about Lindsay’s crazy coke escapades. “In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she’d go alone — so I took her. “He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. “He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. “I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around.” Lindsay isn’t the only one that Weaver is blabbing about. Some other socialites are also falling victim to this media nightmare. “Nobody was as wild as Lindsay,” he says. “But Nicole came close. Sometimes Paris Hilton would be there but the most I saw her do was drink and strip.” Lohan’s cocaine binges are only a part of what Weaver is leaking. Like Britney Spears, Lindsay seems to go for the girls too. She used boys for drugs and girls for thrills,” says Lee. “I lost count of the women she took back to her hotel room from clubs. “I even saw her try to grope Mariah Carey’s bottom and boobs one night as they danced. One time I went to look for her in a club bathroom and found her in the corner French-kissing a girl.” In addition, Weaver also says that when Lindsay was coming down from a coke bump, she even went after people who pissed her off. He tells the story of how he once had to pull Lohan off of Jessica Simpson. “I desperately hope she stops doing drugs but I fear that will only happen when either she kills someone else with her reckless ways — or kills herself,” Lee added.

Lohan on teh Internets

Lohan is, today, known for her boob shots and pictures plz. All over the internets, people like to see if her underage boobies ever popped out in “Freaky Friday” instead of focusing on real things, such as whether that was actually her boob in the pictures from that party. Lindsay is a computer luser who loves to spend time trolling something awful on her dell.

Since it’s only pedophiles and other 16 year old girls that like her, saying that Lohan sucks is more than enough to get any luser riled up.

Recently, Lohan had some pictures posted that appear to indicate that, following her Disney film “Herbie Does Duluth,” she had a fit of thinspiration and entered a competition with the Olsen Twins to see who could have more ribs show. While Lohan was arguably hot before her pro-ana career move, now she just looks like a crack whore.

Precipitated World Wide Web War II which began on or around January 7th 2006 between Ytmnd and Ebaumsworld.

She recently became the subject of the 4chan meme I came. It features a picture of her from the movie The Parent Trap looking quite satisfied with the caption I came photoshopped on it. It is notable that Lohan was still a child when this movie was filmed which officially makes her jailbait.

Also recently has had several personal emails [1] [2] leaked to the internets, revealing her Shakespearian grasp of the English language. Apparently, she is part of a newly-formed lobby to change the spelling of ‘adequate’ to ‘adequite.’

Filmography

  • I Know Who Raeped Me (2007)
  • Georgia Blowjob(2006)
  • Untitled Crappy Disney Remake (2005)
  • Herbie Goes Straight to Video (2005)
  • Somewhat Funny Teen Comedy, but Not Because of Her Presence (2004)
  • Confessions of a Hot-White-Jailbait-Ass (2004)
  • Freaky Friday, but not freaky enough to bring in $$ (2003)
  • The Parent Crap (1998)

See also

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