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I’m an Ex-Girlfriend. Get Me Out Of Here.

September 4, 2007

The Trials of Being an Ex-Girlfriend/Best Female Friend

I’m a girl, a sociable girl. Or should that be woman? I’m getting on in years now so maybe I should say I am a sociable woman *laughs* Either way I have a lot of male friends and at least one ex-boyfriend who I am very very good friends with therefore I have always had issues with jealous Girlfriends trying to exclude me from their boyfriends lives. You would think, due to the amount of girls who have tried to do this to me, that I was the very worst of whores who loves to steal peoples boyfriends away. I am not. Seriously, I am the nicest person and would never dream of stealing away people who are already in love. That’s just downright bad. So why do I pose such a threat to these girls? I mean am I crazy to think that if you are dating someone that you should trust them and therefore shouldn’t really be worried that they will go off with their ex-girlfriends or their close female friends. If someone loves you then they only want you and you should trust and respect them instead of causing Drama. Let’s look at the facts here about why this happens and why it’s stupid that it does.

I used to have a best friend who we refer to as Boy. Boy and I were like brother and sister, that’s literally how close we were. For a good year or so you could hardly separate us, we’d go out together and get into the most stupid situations and have a great time. Boy was dating this girl who I was also friends with, Girl and me had been friends for a while having met through one of her housemates. When her and Boy got together I was genuinely happy for them. I thought it was great! It was just after a while Girl used to confide all her worries and complaints about Boy in me. She used to say things to me that seriously scared me for Boy’s sake. She was obsessed with getting married, she was obsessed with having complete control over Boy and running his life and she was just a bit scary. The things she said to me made me seriously think Boy should not be dating her. After talking to some of my friends and asking for their advice I decided that I had to tell Boy all that was going on. I mean he was like my brother and I didn’t want him to make the biggest mistake of his life. Essentially it was up to him if he wanted to be with Girl and if he did after all the things I had to tell him I wasn’t going to be angry at him, I would have respected his decision. So I tell Boy everything I know, I tell him that I wouldn’t tell him unless I thought it was bad if he didn’t know and I really did think he deserved to know what his Girlfriend was actually like! A few months after I tell him me and him are still very good friends and so I think nothing of it. Life goes on but I don’t hear from the Girlfriend at all anymore, but by then she lived pretty far away and I just put it down to her being busy. I wasn’t too bothered. One day me, Boy and our friends go out for the day, I was meeting someone who I was crazy in love with a bit later and I needed a bit of a confidence boost. For some reason I txt Boys Girlfriend and she txts me back saying to me that I’m a liar and bitch and how dare I even contemplate texting her. She goes on to say I’m a whore and steal everyone’s boyfriends and am obviously in love with hers which is why I am trying to break them up. She says I live my life with my knickers round my ankles and the only way I can get boys is by stealing them from other girls. I am gobsmacked to say the least. I can’t believe she thinks I love Boy. That’s insane! As I said before he is like my brother. I txt her back to say so but she doesn’t listen. It’s fair to say that Boy and me don’t talk so much anymore, not that I don’t want to talk to him it’s just he now thinks I’m a liar and am in love with him because that is what she told him. At least I assume he does, we never got a chance to talk about it and now I doubt we ever will.

This is what I don’t understand. Why would that Girl think I love Boy? It’s a well known fact amongst my friends that at the time I was crazy for someone and there was one person I was interested in and Boy knew this. He had listened to me talk about the guy I was after for ages and ages and seen me try and figure it all out in my head. His Girlfriend had also heard the stories about the boy I liked and therefore KNEW I was not interested in her Boyfriend but this seemed like a good point to get me out of his life. Was I that much of a threat? I used to go out with her Boyfriend and have fun and he enjoyed being around me and my friends. We didn’t really ever invite her because she was a right mood killer but she should have trusted him to not pull any of us. Which he would never have done. Whenever I date someone I know that I have to trust them. If I don’t there isn’t much point in us dating. I can’t be all stressed because he has friends that are girls or because he has friends that he has dated because to be fair so do I! How hypocritical would it be of me to demand him to not talk to his female friends when I am still talking to my male ones? Would I want to make him feel like he has to not talkto any girls or I will punish him? I would never dream of it. I think girls that do this are setting a really bad name up for Women across the world.

I see these situations time and time again though, Girlfriends being paranoid of ex-girlfriends and close female friends of their boyfriends because they feel them a threat. They are obviously close to the boyfriends in a way these Girlfriends may never get to and they feel jealous that these girls may know things that they may never find out. Being a Girlfriend and being a Friend are two different things. If your relationship really is perfect you will probably have the best of both worlds, you will be his girlfriend but he will confide in you like he would a close friend. But for a lot of relationships I see and hear about and advise on this type of relationship hasn’t been achieved yet. It takes work you know. Being jealous of your Boyfriends close female friends just makes you look petty and clingy in his friends eyes and to be fair I think you need to make a good impression on your Boyfriends friends. If they like you then things tend to be easier! Don’t see them as a threat, try and make friends with them back! Surely if you are on good terms with them you will feel more comfortable about his having close female friends because you will know exactly what kind of girls they are and will be able to relax more when he goes out with them. That is if you HAVE to be jealous of them it is better to be jealous and try and get on with them, in an ideal world you wouldn’t be jealous at all. This brings me along to the next type of girl who gets the Girlfriends wrath, The Ex-Girlfriend.

Being an Ex-Girlfriend who is still really good friends with her Ex-Boyfriend is a rare thing in the world it would seem from what I have seen. To be able to put your past aside and to get on with things and recognise that you both actually do get along really well, love hanging out with each other and that it really would be a shame if you weren’t in each others lives after you’ve had a pretty serious relationship with someone is something that isn’t seen very often. Out of everyone I’ve date I am only really good friends and on speaking terms with one of my Ex-Boyfriends. That’s pretty pathetic right? *laughs* But from what I see having one still around is an achievement! But it’s hard work to keep him as a friend. You are forever branded “THE EX GIRLFRIEND” to anyone he gets around to dating after you, which means they instantly hate you. No matter how much you explain to your other half that the relationship you hold with your Ex is in the past and now you’re just friends they will never ever actually believe you enough to be ok with you seeing your Ex. Mine have all despised my Ex-Boyfriend who I am good friends. They have always been jealous of him and you could see it when me and him would meet up that whoever I was dating at the time would suddenly get very possessive over me and suddenly become very affectionate when my Ex was looking. I assume it was mainly because me and my Ex get along so well it makes most boys I date feel like I don’t like them as much as I like him, which really isn’t the case at all! You have to accept, especially when you date people as you get older, that they will have histories and pasts and that you have not been their only love. You have to accept that just because you don’t have any contact with your Ex’s that your new partner may really have got along with his and that you need to try and be as accepting as that as you can. Fighting over an Ex is pointless and needless drama at the end of the day. Usually what they have is in the past and as I said before, if he loves you then he won’t be looking at her and thinking about recapturing the old days. Just chill out!

My advice to anyone stressing about anything I’ve said in my post is CHILL OUT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHILL THE HELL OUT. Relationships are not easy, I have said that before and I shall say it again but you make them harder on yourself by causing so much drama that isn’t needed. Don’t be clingy, don’t be possessive and ACCEPT that your girlfriend or Boyfriend will have friends of the opposite sex that are really close to them and they will have Ex’s that are good friends too. You have to deal with this in a mature manner and not throw a fit about it! Listen to Nayuki, she knows the score!

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8 comments

  1. Phew! thats a lot of info to take in, only in one sitting. Yeah but ur rihgt, you have to accept that ur boyf/girlf is goin to have exes that might still be around. You can’t just rub em out of their history, after all if not for that Ex they wouldnt be the person that you know and love today.


  2. You are so right when you say: “Being an Ex-Girlfriend who is still really good friends with her Ex-Boyfriend is a rare thing in the world it would seem from what I have seen.” A very good post. True, relationships are a hard thing.


  3. thats sad
    i feel so incredibly sorry for you, in which case i almost feel guilty
    ive never had a girlfriend, never been kissed either, however i hope to everything that it all turns out well for you

    relationships arent easy, i hope the next one is far happier


  4. Well, I do not feel sorry for you for a second. I agree with the whole notion of jealousy, but actively conveying things she said to you is bad. It’s something you do as a FINAL resort, if she is acting very negatively and he really is ready to make some big mistake for her.

    Otherwise it is interpreted as tentatively manipulating the guy out of his relationship.

    Which is what you did and you know it deep inside.


  5. I have been fighting worries about my boyfriend’s ex, so reading this was helpful! I really do want to just chill out and remember that he chose to break up with her years ago and he chooses to be with me now- and that’s what’s important!


  6. Yes randomgirl (: I am glad I have helped you! *hugs*


  7. I don’t mind my bf being friends — or even — best friends with an ex. That was the cast in my last relationship. I don’t need to micromanage his friendships or his time when he is not with me.

    However, this only works so long as the male-female friendship has BOUNDARIES. And those boundaries must be conducive to the girlfriend, not the friend, being the boyfriend’s undisputed #1. The female friend should retreat gracefully into the background to allow this to happen.


  8. Because the admin of this site is working, no doubt very soon it
    will be renowned, due to its quality contents.



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