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Rant/Review: I hate Halo 3

October 3, 2007

Halo 3So, now, by this time, most everyone who calls themselves a Halo 3 fan must have picked up the game. That’s nice. Really. Please, enjoy your game. From what I’ve been reading, it seems to be a solid game. Cool. Now, here’s my gripe. Just, please, play your damn game and shut the fuck up. For the past 3 months, Microsoft’s Marketing Department has been making sure that people like me (Retail Employee/Blogger/Average Gamer) have been ANALLY assaulted with marketing for Halo 3. I’ve played the game TWICE and I’m so fucking sick of it already. Game reviewers are tossing “Perfect”scores at the damn game like they’re candy being hurled at small children in funny costumes around this time of the year.

Now, my take on the game, which I have been with-holding for quite some time now due to the fact that I’d rather not face down the absolute hell of a shit storm that would occur by Microsoft fanboys making an attempt to justify that “but..but..but…you gotta play the multiplayer”. Listen, the game is screamingly average. It doesn’t do much to improve on the FPS genre. This is not the genre defining game you’ve all been looking forward to. Considering that the marketing beast behind this game claimed that you “finish the fight” doesn’t go for a whole lot. The story mode lasts for maybe 6 hours (8 hours if you actually try to shoot things). It’s funny really. I sat down with a friend to play legendary and we found ourselves moreover running like mad rather than shooting, because when you actually try to kill things, more times than not, you take a brute shotgun to the face which is instant death. The friendly AI is nothing to write home about either. I have no idea what the friendly units are trying to shoot at half the time (maybe a fucking rock, I dunno) or even if they’ve had proper driving instruction (hell, they probably couldn’t get a driver’s license in California, and THAT’S impressive).

Now, onto the multiplayer. I found myself having deja-vu half the fucking time because, suprise suprise, it’s essentially Halo 2’s multiplayer with new maps and a few new guns and the level editor from Marathon thrown in (And I use the term level editor loosely. The ability to move around spawn points and weapon spawn point does not make for a level editor). This leads me to believe that Microsoft has pulled the greatest con of all time by have over 1 million people pay $60+ for a expansion pack to Halo 2’s multiplayer. I’m not going to really say much about the multiplayer, because, what is there to say? “OMG, LIEK HALO MP IS SOO FUCKING AEWSOEM!!!11111 HUR HUR HUR” Sorry, but I’m not going to stoop that low unless I get some “incentive” to say such things. (You know where to send the check to, Microsoft).

In closing, Halo 3 is….average…very very average. Rent it or play it at a friend’s house. If you really want to buy it, wait another month before picking it up used.

Drew’s Reccomendation: Meh….if you want more Halo multiplayer and have $60+ to toss out the window…it’s your loss. Otherwise, for new players, don’t bother.

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9 comments

  1. If you don’t know how to torrent you fail at life and should learn to right now.
    But Halo in overall has great multiplayer in the simplicity, Like throwing nades whenever you want without waiting seconds for it to switch, melee atacks that can be preformed the sameway even during reload even though so basic many ‘MANY’ games lack smoove controlls.
    Yes there may not be a prone posistion or massive recoil drift or that you get the feeling your actually shooting “killzone” but it sure controlls smexy. I’m going to download part 3 and play it on my haxxored emulator ON TEH PC.


  2. I may as well out myself here and say that I haven’t played any of the Halos. I might be the only person in the solar system, but I don’t find Halo all that appealing. The story was great at the beginning, but ruined by the punishing repetitive level design. Yes I know, all people have been saying that, but that’s not because it’s so awesome that it’s all they could point out, but because it’s the biggest flaw. Really, saying Halo 1 had a great story desptie bad level design is like pointing out the state-of-the-art stereo in a car with now wheels. Multiplayerswise, it was fun to shoot each other up when Halo 1 came out, because that was fairly new back then, but after about 7000 games have done the same, and more than few of them have done it better, it’s gotten stale.

    Good to know I haven’t been missing much ever since.


  3. Glad to know i’m not the only one, but guess what? I haven’t played ANY of the Halo series, LOL!

    The game itself wasn’t appealing enough to stand my a$$ up and buy it or whatever…


  4. yours is the first and last review I will read about Halo 3. You can’t really top: “OMG, LIEK HALO MP IS SOO FUCKING AEWSOEM!!!11111 HUR HUR HUR”

    Sadly, I stopped playing FPS after duke nukem.


  5. Don’t be hatin’ on average things! Sometimes, that’s all the public can take. Average doesn’t mean horrific, life sucking cyst, does it? Bungie doesn’t boast to be the best FPS game developer in the world — you should know that. Microsoft just has a lot of money and weight to throw around, and so they do.

    You don’t hate Halo 3, buddy, you hate the reputation Bungie has no control whatsoever over. Halo is an average game, but seriously, there’s a plethora of shitty fuckin’ FPS out there that could use your wrath a lot more. I hate when anticonformists crawl out of the woodwork to bash on average but popular shit til the sun goes down. Why can’t you bash something truly shitty and totally unmanageable like, uh, Guild Wars?


  6. Fortunately your bias is extremely obvious. 😀


  7. Oh yeah? Guess what: I don’t play Halo! OH YEAH, LOOK AT THIS BIAS I’M SPORTING. The comment I posted is simple advertising psychology they teach you in school, and all of it can be easily determined by statistics.

    My bias is against people who are like FUCK, I NEED TO BE AN ANTI-CONFORMIST EVEN THOUGH THAT’S A STUPID CONCEPT. I MUST SHINE SOMEHOW. EVERYTHING THAT’S POPULAR IS SHITTY. YESSSS.


  8. oh! not my bias!

    nevermind my comment then.

    hurray.


  9. I have to agree with you. I just cant reach the state to like the game like all the others. Usually i’m syked for the single player, but i’d like to take your statement and make it bolder with saying that this could even pass as a Halo 1 expansion of some sorts.

    I’m puzzled how people could like this game sooo much as they seem to do. The masses are played like an trumpet with all this marketing-trickery. This hype-thing is killing the gaming industry, for real. Millions should be invested into more polish rather than…….advertising. The same goes for GTA4. Let downs.



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